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28 October 2011 @ 09:53 am
LJ Idol: Three Little Words  
The Bee Killer

“I killed it,” she said with a huff.

I handed my last customer his steaming cup of coffee. He threw a couple of dirty pennies into the tip jar and departed. I turn to my co-worker and see her standing in front of the open back door with her arm stretched out and a squashed bee in her hand.

“Good,” I said. The boys had been torturing it; they had somehow knocked the bee half-conscious and tied a string around it and had been slowly dipping it into a cup of boiled water.

“I killed it,” she said again. But this time her voice was mournful and her head tilted to the side as she looked at the bee in her hand. Her eyes were glazed over and it didn’t seem like she was really there.

She twisted her hands and I noted that although they were scrubbed raw, there was still a brownish-red color beneath her fingernails.

“I have to go,” she said. She dropped her hands to her side and the bee dropped onto the floor to join the donut crumbs and lively ants.

She doesn’t bother clocking out.

She walks numbly out the door, leaving muddy footprints behind her. She had been leaving muddy footprints everywhere.

After she’s gone, another customer comes in. I grabbed him his small cup of coffee and went to grab him his two plain donuts. I felt something squish beneath my foot. I realize that it’s the dead bee.

“I killed it.”

Three little words.

I had heard them often enough. This girl was a spider killer, a cockroach assassin, and an ant squasher. Killing a bee was nothing. And yet she left as if it was everything.

They meant nothing.

I didn’t see my co-worker for a week. The next time I do see her, she’s in a photo that’s handed to me in a police station. My fingers clutched the edges.

They wanted to know if she was dangerous. They wanted to know if she was capable of homicide.

I thought of her fingernails and muddy tracks. I thought of the way that she looked at the bee.

I told them no.

The girl wasn’t like the boys. Sure, she was quite the assassin when it came to insects, but she didn’t torture them. Her kills were simple. Mercy killings really. The squashed bee still on the Dunkin Donuts floor was proof of that.

They asked if I was sure.

I hesitated.

They raised their eyebrows at me.

“No,” I said firmly, but even I don't believe it.

(written for therealljidol)
 
 
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( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
baxaphobiabaxaphobia on October 28th, 2011 02:40 pm (UTC)
This was interesting. Your character description was great.
basric: basric colored bubblesbasric on October 29th, 2011 12:25 am (UTC)
Interesting. I like it.
from_the_pitfrom_the_pit on October 29th, 2011 01:04 am (UTC)
That's kind of chilling!
Vice Captain of the Universe: I like teasweeny_todd on October 29th, 2011 01:41 am (UTC)
what horrible boys!! I feel outraged for that poor bee!

but wow.. what.. uncertainty at the end. Really well done!
RabidRaeannrabid1st on October 29th, 2011 05:53 am (UTC)
I can see this developing into something quite compelling. You have a strong narrative voice.
Lose 10 Pounds of Ugly Fat...  Cut Off Your Head.n3m3sis42 on October 29th, 2011 02:07 pm (UTC)
Creeeeepy! You made me want to know more about what's going on here.
the middle of the road's fine with no cars aroundnoodledays on October 29th, 2011 07:20 pm (UTC)
oooh, great character you've done here.
Myrnamyrna_bird on October 29th, 2011 08:38 pm (UTC)
I want to know what else that girl had been up to!
yuniebabyyuniebaby on October 30th, 2011 04:29 am (UTC)
I liked the tone of this piece a lot. Dark and ominous and a little uncertain. Very compelling.
..there are squirrels in my head...elionwyr on October 31st, 2011 02:12 pm (UTC)
This. :)
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hairlilycobalt on October 30th, 2011 01:07 pm (UTC)
I liked that you left this ambiguous.
Athelas K. Weedmalinaldarose on October 30th, 2011 06:08 pm (UTC)
Wow. That's a little...creepy.
standgalestandgale on October 30th, 2011 08:46 pm (UTC)
If you feel like writing more to this, please do... it's quite intriguing.
m strobelmstrobel on October 30th, 2011 09:22 pm (UTC)
That poor bee! :( I really hope the torture wasn't based on a true story :/

And then whoa what a twist :D
when all you know seems so far awaypoppetawoppet on October 31st, 2011 01:38 am (UTC)
oooh I'm interested to see more
The Michelle Tanner Experiencexreesex on October 31st, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
This has me wanting to know more about the bee killer.
whipchickwhipchick on October 31st, 2011 09:21 am (UTC)
I found this really compelling, and unusual without being all "look at me I'm a crazy writer!" - very truthful writing.

Unless it was your intention, the second sentence in the second paragraph is in a different tense, which stuck out to me.
phoenixphoenixejc on October 31st, 2011 08:00 pm (UTC)
Oh now I want to know more!!!!
Kristenpixiebelle on October 31st, 2011 09:30 pm (UTC)
Oh this was good...

Very, very good. It's always the ones we least suspect, huh?
Jessmymisguided on October 31st, 2011 11:27 pm (UTC)
Ooh, I liked the twist in this, and the way you describe everything, it's so effective. There are a few tense inconsistencies here and there ("She doesn’t bother clocking out," "She walks numbly," "I turn to my co-worker and see her standing...") but they didn't really impact my enjoyment of the piece.

Good work! =)
Snarksnarkerdoodle on November 1st, 2011 07:50 pm (UTC)
Wow. This was really a good read -- a bit dark and odd, much like the character being described.
Elеnakehlen_crow on November 3rd, 2011 07:25 pm (UTC)
I like it,

but you keep switching between Present and Past tense, and I guess you shouldn't.

Will there be more? :)
java_fiendjava_fiend on November 4th, 2011 12:59 am (UTC)
She is a very creepy character. I like the creep factor you have working in this piece. A very dark tone that is intriguing... I want to know more. Really nicely done.
Cosmic Karma, Quixotic Sludge: Shadows of the Dungeonkarmasoup on November 4th, 2011 03:19 am (UTC)
Hmmmm.... mercy killings... I await with eager anticipation.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )